Crawford's Crib

Paul Breakwell

Today I had the most devastating piece of personal news I’ve ever had the misfortune of receiving: Paul Breakwell died yesterday, 3rd October 2009.

At 9.30am I received a phone call from his wife Amanda and have been in a daze of confusion and disbelief ever since. I am finding the fact that I will never see or hear him again extremely hard to comprehend; one of the most beautiful people I have ever know is gone. He left his mark on me as I’m sure he did on anyone lucky enough to meet him.

We met at University in Exeter in the autumn of 1993 and quickly became the best of friends. I’m not sure why we got on so well maybe it was his unusual sense of humour, his innocent openness, or just his cheeky northern way (I know Long Eaton isn’t really northern but at the time I was a born and bred Londoner so anything above the M4 was northern).

One of the biggest things we had in common was our love of music (I’m writing this listening to one of Paul’s albums – Hidden Opponent, click on the title above to hear one of the tracks). We spent countless nights frequenting the nightclubs of Exeter, downing the occasional libation and dancing away the hours making shapes on the dancefloor. So much so we had a weekly ritual of ‘Vodka & Volts’ on a Wednesday night where we’d warm up for the evening by polishing off a bottle of vodka and a bottle of coke whilst listening to LOUD music. If we were at mine we’d be listening to speakers that Paul helped me build along with another friend Keith (It was mostly Keith that did the building but Paul and I helped).

I’ve lost count of the times Paul and I got lost in music together. Not only was he a passionate listener he was also an extremely talented musician, painter, photographer and designer. One of the most talented and creative people I know. I never told Paul but one of my many dreams was that if I won the Lotto I was gonna open a studio, get him to work for me and see what amazing things he would come up with.

There are so many memories of great times we had at Uni, too many to recall and put down in words, here are a couple more snippets from memory: before I met Paul I wasn’t a big drinker then I discovered what it was to ‘fancy a pint’; one of my all time favourite holidays, Princetown in the 1st year; meeting Paul’s sister; the time Paul swapped Mike’s flour for plaster of paris; spending hours in record shops: garden running; all-nighters making music; moving people’s clothes on Exmouth beach with Mike. When I think back about those Uni years I am just thankful that Paul was in my life.

Manly Beach, Australia by Paul

After Uni we kept in touch and dipped in and out of each others lives. Paul went off to Australia for a while where he was lucky enough to meet Amanda and I moved to the Midland where I met my lovely wife. There would be times when we wouldn’t speak for months but when we did it were as if the time had been wiped away and we were as we used to be at Uni. We’d be on the phone for hours or spend the evening chatting till the early hours.

One night when I called on him at Uni he was in his room playing the most beautiful music, I was blown away by his piano playing. The tune was ‘Lieberstraum in A flat major’ by Liszt, it was one of the pieces of music which was played during my wedding in 2004, later that day Paul and I had a moment and a big manly hug, I was so glad that he could make it to my wedding. Click on the title below to hear the tune.

I heard from Paul a few weeks ago by email and was planning to visit him, Amanda and Oscar soon. It’s just heartbreaking to think that I won’t get another bony hug or knowing look from my friend again.

Although his loss feels like the most painful thing I’ve ever had to deal with I draw strength from the fact that Paul brought great joy to my life. He coloured my life in so many ways and for that I will be eternally thankful. My heart may be heavy and aching but the pain is strangely satisfying, it tells me how much you mean to me. I love you Paul and always will. I miss you but thankfully you are still here in the the works that you left behind, your art and your music, again for that I thank you.

I’ll leave you with another couple of tunes by Paul, one is a tune I found a couple of weeks ago on one of his websites entitled ‘When she looks at me’. I assume it’s about Amanda, I was gonna ask him when I saw him next but I guess that’ll have to wait till another time. Big love & manly hugs my friend xxx

We are the music makers

We are the dreamers of dreams…

…we are the movers and shakers

Of the world forever, it seems”

Arthur O’Shaughnessy, Ode

Cuba by Paul